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Commanders, a wargame digest


Fake news, yes it’s true!

The Flakey Shakey Intel report

Allied High Command were stunned when pictures emerged from the Modellers Camera Club spy ring suggesting that German forces had developed and deployed a revolutionary ‘shrinking laser’. 

A pair of SU 152 tank destroyers had been moving amongst city ruins, when as the photographic evidence suggests, the leading vehicle took a laser hit and immediately shrank.

Laser specialist Professor Beam believes that the weapon is likely tank mounted, with a range of around 500 metres and he fears that the weapon would be easy to mass produce, with the potential of turning Allied forces into an army of Dinky Toys within a matter of weeks.

Not wanting to be a party pooper, a sheepish Professor Poop has since emerged to dispel the laser theory, saying that somehow a comparison photograph of his wargame 1/72 and 10mm collection  became mixed up with the images submitted by the spy ring.

He says he is sorry - though probably not as sorry as Professor Beam who has since become an expert in a different field altogether, one that is quite muddy and involves a lot of shovelling. 

The fight for Little Hump

It is a beautiful morning, mid August 1066. The sun is bright, the birds are singing with the corn wafting gently in the breeze, a perfect moment for battle according to Ivor Bigbutt, local commander of the West Rottington array.

For some months he has been in dispute with Anglo-Saxon Thegn, Walter the Tight Wad, over the payment of tribute and with the harvest approaching, Bigbutt feels a reminder as to who is really in charge is due!

With a fine body of cavalry, well supported by heavy infantry, Bigbutt set out on the Rottington to Dungborough road yesterday. His route was to take him over Little Bump Hill and onwards to the settlement of Piggy Longton, the main town of Dungborough, to make a demonstration of force and intent.

However, Walter, aware of this raid, has brought local shire forces to block the advance and is already astride Little Bump Hill to intercept Bigbutt.

As the two armies face off, Ivor Bigbutt still fancies his chances in taking the slightly high ground of Little Bump and humiliating Tight Wad.

It looks close, with the local turf accountant Filthy Giles, taking bets of just 1:1 evens on the fortunes of Tight Wad. Will Walter the Tight Wad have his purse strings cut? Has Ivor Bigbutt become too big for his trousers?

Ivor Bigbutt is victorious!

So just who is Ivor Bigbutt? Our reporter Monty Bartholomew ‘Slackjaw’ Smythe, managed to steal a quick interview with Master Gubbins, the Keeper of Rottington Hall and Personal Secretary to Bigbutt himself.

Gubbins, who wants to remain anonymous and have no mention made of the 50 quid that Slackjaw gave him, said that Bigbutt was by nature a man forged by aggression, greed and a big axe. 

The son of a stable lad of low birth and the family never knowing sixpence or a pocketful of rye, Ivor never forgave the aristocracy for giving him the title of Bigbutt in a mock knighting ceremony that was part of the merriment and festivities hosted by the Sheriff to celebrate his new tax laws, held at a party in the big hall, where four and twenty blackbirds were baked in a pie.

He petitioned the King to have his name changed back to Bunion, but the King was convinced that Ivor would become a great Ass et and immediately promoted him to Captain Bigbutt of the West Rottington Array. 

His Foray towards Piggy Longton today was intended to impress the Sheriff and put his days of shovelling at the stables behind him. His local victory at little Hump Hill will no doubt have brought him some valuable prestige with Sheriff Godric, who is in his counting house, counting out the money, while his wife is in the parlour eating bread and honey.

A splendid days work and a dainty dish to set before The King. Who knows what further adventures may lay ahead - none we hope!

Orders come through

The crew of Tiger 334 gather as a Zündapp motorcycle combination draws up to bring new orders.

Meanwhile in 1/72 world

In what looks like a similar scene, but here the Tiger 224 crew have buttoned down their hatches, there are far too many flat caps around for this to be good news!

The full story is over on the blog.

The mystery of the peculiar rash!

We have a report from our man in the field that the devious Monty Bartholomew ‘Slackjaw’ Smythe has broken cover to attend the Hospital of Pestilence and the Unexplained, cunningly disguised as a dear friend to Lucky Larry, who was admitted yesterday for a strange skin complaint that was initially described as ‘interesting’, but is now understood to be super glue related.

Nurse Morphine Millicent, acting as spokesperson for the hospital, said ......

We have the rest of this story over on the blog LINK